A Jokers Love
by IWillBelieveIt If I CanDreamIt
Summary: Pranks are all fun and games until someone gets hurt. There are lines that should never be crossed in the pursuit of fun and Kaito discovers this fact a little too late. April fools will never be the same for the couple ever again.


**Shinichi's POV**

"Mai! I can't believe you're pregnant!" one of the many girls at that blasted business party that my husband had _persuaded_ me to go to squealed. "When are you going to tell Kaito?" Normally such a comment wouldn't have even fazed me. But the name tied to the question almost made me choke on the glass of wine I had in my hand.

Kaito? Why the hell would she tell _Kaito_?

"I dunno if I'm going to actually," the girl that I assumed was Mai replied, biting her lip nervously.

"Why not? He is the father after all!"

My eyes widened as I proceeded to have a coughing fit brought on by the fact that I actually had choked on my wine this time.

Several people gave me odd looks. One kind old lady asked if I was alright.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine," I mumbled, clearing my throat. I strained my ears to hear the rest of the conversation while downing the rest of my glass.

"Well... I dunno. I think he'd be mad," Mai murmured, looking down at her shoes crestfallen.

"Why would he be mad? He's going to be a father!" Her friend told her excitedly, bewildered as to why her friend thought informing the father was a bad idea.

My grip tightened around my glass. "I suppose..." the pregnant girl muttered, "Lemme go find him." She took off into the crowd, looking for my husband unaware that I was stealthily following her.

I shouldn't be snooping like this I thought to myself. I should have more trust in my husband that he wouldn't cheat. Someone else was bound to have the same name as him I reminded myself. But even though I knew this, had that mathematics to back up this point, I was still following her. I just needed to see. To check that it wasn't my husband and then I would leave her alone, going back to minding my own business.

Kaito was talking to some business partners when Mai found him. I stood by the food table that was nearby, just close enough to hear while not looking like I was eavesdropping. Mai drew Kaito away from his chat. Part of me was telling me that she'd just grabbed the wrong guy, that it wasn't _my _Kaito who was the farther, but as I watched on that conviction began to wane.

"Kaito. I'm pregnant" she whispered softly, eyes darting around the room to make sure nobody was witnessing the exchange. It took every fibre of my being to act natural, to make it look like I was contemplating which food to try before casually bring it to my mouth to eat. Refusing to allow my muscles to tense as she looked in my direction before returning to Kaito.

The man – _my husband- _stared at her with slight surprise before throwing up his grinning poker face. If I hadn't seen it waver for a second, the recognition and joy lighting up his face then I would have thought she was lying and was trying to cause a scene. But I had seen it. Kaito did know this girl. I listened on anxiously to see what he would do next.

He cleared his throat as if surprised or uncomfortable by the announcement. "And," he stated coolly, "Why would I need to know this?"

Mai bit her lip again and kneaded her hands in front of her. "You're... the father."

I stood there for a second, barley daring to blink as the information sunk in. Kaito had cheated on me? He'd really gone out, fallen in love with another person and bared a child with them? Had it been intentional? A mistake? If it was a mistake was it a happy one? One he'd subconsciously been hoping for. Or was I the mistake? Had I done something wrong to make him feel that way or was it simpler than that?

I knew getting into the relationship that Kaito had never been attracted to guys where I was pretty easy both ways. According to him I was the only guy to ever spark his interests. At the time I'd thought myself as special but now I'm wondering if it was a way to get close to me. I'd always known Kaito didn't have that much money, with it all going on his mother's spending or props. But I'd never pegged him as a gold digger. Had I gotten him all wrong? Had the detective skills I'd once been so proud of, failed me in my greatest hour of need?

I wasn't even aware I was moving as I thought all this. Gracefully making my way through the banquet hall as I gave fake smiles to those I passed. I only became aware of what I was doing when I had my phone pressed to my ear and Ran's mothers voice filtering through it.

"Shinichi? Why are you calling me so late? Shouldn't you be at that business party Kaito's been talking about for weeks?" she inquired perplexed. It was only then that it occurred to me how late in the night it had gotten. It was a minuet to midnight. I felt guilty for a second for disturbing her before pushing it back down. If I held off now, I would never have the courage to do this.

"Yeah, sorry. I just left. I'm going to need you to do something for me" I told her biting my lip as I collected my car keys from the valet. Kaito could make his own way home. Perhaps his new mother to be would drop him off.

"Okay. Tell me what you need?" she asked her voice changing from friendly to professional in an instant.

"I need you to start draughting up divorce papers" I told her before I could lose my nerve. During this tense moment I had managed to get in my car, place the phone on its doc, thus connecting it to the speakers and started up the ignition.

"What?!" she spluttered. "Are you sure?" she asked her voice losing its professional edge.

"I'm sure. I just found out Kaito is cheating on me and has gotten the women pregnant. I'd say that's grounds for divorce don't you?" I asked rhetorically as I pulled out of the grand estate.

There was a moments silence as she sorted through the responses, she could give me.

"I'll have the papers drawn up by tomorrow. You get the house, what's inside it and the car since he was the one to break the vows. Thankfully your banks haven't been merged that long, so it won't take much to sperate them again" she finally settled on saying.

She knew offering her apologies or asking how he is coping wouldn't help anything. He had reached out to her because he knew she could get the job done with minimal fuss and heartache. Keeping a level head and dealing with this now would help him in the long run. There was always time for her later to phone him up to let him vent and offer her advice after dealing with a philandering husband herself for so long.

"I want Kaito to have the car and his belongings. We picked this car together and it was more his dream one then mine" I told her, fingers drumming on the wheel as I waited impatiently for the lights to change. I wanted to get home as fast as I could so I could pack and leave before Kaito got home. I don't feel ready to confront the man just yet.

"Okay I will add that in. Anything else you wanna have in writing or just those." She followed up. I could hear her typing down my wishes on the laptop in front of her. The sound comforted me more than I thought it would. To know someone was on my side and could take care of this for me so I could just focus on getting back was a huge relief. Quickly I made a mental note to send her a gift basket with some spa tickets, she deserved some pampering after the hell I'm about to put her through.

"Not that I can think of" I shook my head. To be honest I'm kinda amazed I've even thought of that. Right now, I feel like I'm in a thick fog. Its difficult to make much out other than the hurt that was permeating my entire body.

"Okay. If you think of anymore give me a ring and I will add it in" she told me gently, knowing how difficult it was to think with a clear head after finding something like that out.

"Thanks, Eri" I whispered softly, feeling a little choked. She was such an amazing person. Keeping calm and professional while I just wanna fly off the handle and scream at the world. I wanted to say more, to tell her how amazing she is but my throat felt tight and I didn't wanna make a fool of myself in front of her.

I know I need to cry, to let it all out, but now isn't a good time. I have so much I have to do, and I don't think it's really hit me yet. I mean I hurt, knowing he betrayed me like that, but the true heartbreak hasn't set in. I'm kinda hoping I'll be out of the country by the time it does. The last thing I need is to show any more emotions to the man who has successfully crushed my heart.

"Shinichi you don't have to thank me. You may not have ended up with Ran, but you are still a son to me. I will do everything I can to make this easier on you" she told me gently. Her voice had startled me as I had zoned out slightly. My heart warmed at her words. She may be an awful cook, but she made up for that with spirt and personality, if anyone was ever to be a replacement to the mother I had, it would be her. "I'm going to hang up now so I can start, you drive carefully" Her parting words made me smiled as she hung up.

Talking to her had made me both happier and sadder at the same time. On one hand I knew someone cared for me and was looking out for me, but on the other I was one step closer to losing Kaito for eternity. Briefly I let the idea that I was overreacting come into fruition before battering it away. He had cheated willingly on me and due to that affair, a child was entering the world. If anything, I'm underreacting. I should have stormed up to him and slapped him, maybe threw my wine in his face but I didn't. I'm just not that kind of person. I could never cause a public scene like that, especially not when I know the negative effect it will have on his career. Kaito may be a bastard but I was the idiot who had foolishly fallen I love with him, if anything I would be the one most hurt by the altercation as the failing of his career would haunt me for the rest of my life. I couldn't live with that hanging over me, just like I can't live with an unfaithful husband.

I drove in silence for a while, letting my thoughts drift before coming to the realisation I wasn't helping myself by doing that. I felt a longing to speak to my sister. Talking to Eri had made me miss her all the more. Before I had a chance to chicken out, I spoke to the car and ordered it to phone Ran, waiting anxiously for her to pick up.

"Shinichi?" a sleepy voice greeted me. "Do you have any idea what time it is over here?" she demanded grumpily.

As the familiar voice washed over me, I felt myself breathe a little easier. The weight on my chest easing slightly. God, I missed her. I hadn't realised how much until her melodious voice was filling my ears "Sorry Ran" I apologised shakily, the emotions I had managed to dampen and ignore finally slamming into me.

"Shinichi what's wrong?" my karate champion asked, immediately wide awake and worried. That pesky feeling of guilt came up to chock me again but my need to hear her, to speak to her quickly overshadowed it.

"I don't wanna get into it right now. I was kinda hoping you wouldn't mind if I came and stayed with you for a bit?" I asked, feeling a little cheeky for doing this but I just really needed her. She had always understood me best and knew what to say to make everything feel better, even if it wasn't actually going to be so for a while.

"Sure. It's been a little lonely since Sera went to visit her parents. Plus, I haven't seen you in ages so it would be good to catch up" she grinned. I could hear the excitement behind the words as well as the worry. I hate worrying her, but I just can't say it again. Not right now at least. Telling her mom had been easy compared to this but I know if I tell her it will make everything seem more real and without her at my side… I don't even want to think about what will happen if she's not there to catch me as I fall apart.

"Sounds good" I tell her, not realising how true that is until the words fly out of my mouth "Do you think you can book a ticket for me?" I question pulling into my driveway. I know I should really do it myself, but it will take too much time. Plus, I'm scared I won't have the courage to go through with it.

"Why can't you?" she asked suspiciously. Worry ramping up. Shinichi _never_ asked for help when doing stuff. He was fiercely independent, something she blamed on his parents. For him to ask her to do something for him meant something really bad had to have happened. She could feel it in her gut.

"It's to do with why I'm coming. I promise to tell you everything as soon as I get there, but I can't right now" I pleaded almost desperately. I know I'm not sounding like myself, but I just don't have the energy to pretend that everything is fine, not with her, not with the sister that has stood by me when the world had turned its back.

"Alright. I'm not happy about it but I understand. Any particular date and time" she caved. She really wanted to push but she could here by his tone of voice that he was barely hanging on.

She grumbled to herself about how cold it was as she made her way to the living room where her laptop was waiting on standby. She had a paper due in a few days and often found herself wide awake at night with no Sera to hold her, so she'd taken to working on it to fall asleep.

"The sooner the better" I told her quickly, trying to push the words out, laughing weakly at her complaints as I get out of the car and dashed into the house. Taking the stairs two at a time.

"I've got a flight for five AM your time" she tells me scrolling through the listing.

"Perfect. You still got my card saved from the last I stayed over?" I ask heading straight for the bedroom.

"Yeah. I'll email you the ticket so you can scan it on your phone" she told him already adding the ticket to the basket. She didn't bother getting a return as she didn't know how long he would be staying and by the sounds of it, neither did he.

"Thanks" I breathed, heaving my suitcase from the back of the closet and placing it on our, soon to be my, bed.

"I'll come pick you up for them airport" she tells me firmly. I know that tone, she will not be dissuaded from her goal. I just hum distractively, already unzipping the case, thinking of the list of things I will need for my duration.

"I'll leave you to pack. I'll see you in a few hours Shinichi" She said, aware of my inattention. I can imagine her rolling her eyes at my single mindedness, the image pulls a timid smile from my lips.

"See you" I reply sombrely as I try to ignore the pictures littering our- no- my room. I've got to stop thinking of this stuff as ours as it will soon be mine alone.

Annoyingly my eyes don't want to cooperate and end up landing on a picture anyway.

I'm struck by how happy I look in his arms. Not a care in the world, no inkling of what is to come. It almost cripples me to think I will never experience that again. That those strong but comforting arms that have always filled me with a sense of safety will never wrap around me again.

I throw my phone haphazardly onto the bed before pushing everything from my mind that doesn't have to do with packing. First, I get out my essentials from the bathroom, and place them in my toiletries bag which goes straight into the suitcase. Once I'm satisfied I have everything from that room, I move on to the next things on my list. Chargers and appliances.

I move around the room quickly, rummaging through my draws for a flashlight and my spare iPhone charger before running back down the stars to grab my laptop. I quickly pack it in its travel case, checking it has all its accessories in it before zipping it up. As I move to walk out the room my eye catches sight of a DVD I brought a couple of months ago. I stand there a moment, internally debating whether I should bring it or not before scooping it up and placing it inside the travel case. I know Ran had said she'd had some trouble trying to find this while over in the states so maybe if I give her this it will cheer her up slightly from the news I'm about to tell her. She had always been mine and Kaito's staunchest supporter so hearing of us splitting up is going to devastate her as it does me. Hopefully watching this will cheer us up a little.

I quickly cast my eye around the room once more to check I have everything before heading back upstairs and dump the laptop and all its belongings in the suitcase as well.

Next I move on my clothes. I don't know long I will be there so I'm unsure about how much to pack. Flitting from my draws to my wardrobe I take stock of what I have before coming to a decision. I will pack three pairs of jeans, three shirts, seven pairs of underwear and socks as well as two jackets, one a hoodie the other a cardigan and two pairs of pjs. If I need any more clothes, I can always buy some while I'm over there I think to myself.

With a plan in mind, I return to my underwear draw and grab all the items I need before dumping them in the suitcase. It only takes me a second to realise I can't leave them like that and hastily set about placing them neatly inside as I catch sight of the time. I'm going to need to hurry if I'm to get there in enough time to get their comfortably as well as avoid Kaito. Silently I pray to lady luck that she will look down favourably on me this time instead of my cheating husband so that I don't bump into him.

I know its cowardly to take off in the dead of night, only leaving a note to explain why, but I'm simply not strong enough to walk out in front of him. I know I will cave the moment I look at him.

As I neared my bed side, my eyes are once again caught by a photo. I just had to catch sight of my favourite photo of us together didn't I? It's not fair. I'm hurting enough, I don't need to this right now. Even though I know I'm not making it easier on myself I still can't help but take a step closer towards it. The photo was taken about five minutes after Kaito proposed. It's not really a surprise that would be my favourite. Kaito's head is resting on my shoulder in the photo, his arms around my waist, no space between us as we beamed up at the camera, he had been holding. In the picture I can see my past self holding up my left hand, showing off the sapphire studded ring that adores my finger unashamedly. I take note of how flushed my cheeks are, how my eyes are sparkling with an elated giddiness, a smile so wide my cheeks ache just looking at it.

With shaking hands, I pick the image up, feeling my breath hitch and tears threaten to fall. I take a moment just to stare down at it, debating with myself on if I should take this with me too. Wondering whether it would hinder my letting him go, preventing me from being able to. I went to place it back on its stand before changing my mind. I spin on my heel and gently place it between a layer of clothes, making sure it's kept safe. I know I shouldn't, but I just want one photo of us. Even I if it hurts me to look at it, makes me remember all that I should be letting go. I just can't leave without a little piece of us. The excuse sounds weak even to my own ears, so I try and reason with myself. Giving more reasons then I probably should on why I have to hang on to the dream.

I tell myself that an addict doesn't go cold turkey all at once. They have a stage where the wean themselves off little by little until they can get to that step. And even though I don't want to admit it, don't want to give words to the feeling inside myself, I can't help but view his love as a drug to me. A drug I had naively thought I would never have to give up. But times change and people along with it. I've been forced to admit to my addiction, the addiction I had denied for so long. The road ahead would be rough and full turbulence. Saying goodbye to the air I breathed, replacing it with something fake and polluted. So if keeping one memory, one moment between us was going to help in the short run then I will, the long term can bring its problems when I'm ready to face them.

The same can be applied to my rings. I know I should leave them behind, take them off and let that girl have them in my place but I just can't bring myself to do it. They're mine. It symbolises Kaito's love for me, even if it is tainted. I'm not ready to admit we're splitting up or to say goodbye to my treasured jewels. I know one day I will have to but not right now. Right now, I need the comfort they provide me, no matter how hollow it might be.

Just as I was putting the last of my jeans away and turned to grab my shirts, I heard the front door open followed by hurried footsteps. I unwillingly stiffen slightly at the sound, glaring up at the ceiling to show my displeasure to Lady Luck.

Why?! why can't she be on my side for once!? What the fuck did I ever do to have her hate me?! To have her fuck me over again and again? It's like she takes sick pleasure from watching me break down. Now I have to have that confrontation I was trying so desperately to avoid. I'm not prepared, I don't have the words or control over my emotions. Hell, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling! Everything is mixed together, and I can't untangle it. But I don't have a choice now, I have to be prepared. I have to have my game face on as my heart thunders in my chest as those footfalls get ever closer. I don't have a plan, I don't even have an idea, all I know is that I can't let him see how much he had broken me. Can't let him have the satisfaction of realising he did what no one else could. What's that saying? Fake it till you make it? Let's see if I am able to.

"Shinichi Why did you leave me there?" I hear my lover whine to me as he opens the bedroom door stopping short as he sees me frozen beside a half pack suitcase, shirt in hand.

"I'm going to America for a little bit. By the time I get back I want you gone" I tell him, silently congratulating myself on keeping my voice steady. I ignore his question, mainly because I'm not really sure what to say to it. I will my legs not to shake as I straighten and head back to the wardrobe, intent on getting another shirt.

"W-what?" Kaito stuttered, stumbling over his own two feet as he followed after me. He keeps his distance, coming to a stop halfway between the bed and me. For this this I am thankful as I'm not sure I could handle him touching me right this second.

"I said that I want you gone by the time I get back" I repeat firmly, no longer allowing those once beautiful eyes to sway me. Honestly, I'm a little proud of myself right now. I'm standing up for myself and still getting my packing done, more than I had expected from myself if I'm honest.

"But why?!" Kaito demanded. I couldn't help myself, at his question I turn to look at him. I know I shouldn't, but it was instinctual to look at him at this point. I _need_ to see how he feels about all this. I can see the confusion and anger that was in his tone being portrayed across his face, but it doesn't look real to me. Its looks artificial as I can see the glee hidden underneath it. I don't know why he's so gleeful at me leaving him and kicking him out of our home. Is it even ours anymore if I'm kicking him out? I'd had doubts about doing this, thinking I was overreacting but seeing the glee he's feeling at this outcome I feel that doubt dissolve and a sense of rightfulness take its place. That rightness gives me the strength to carry this out. A strength I hadn't known I had until I felt it.

"Because I'm not heartless enough to deprive a child of their father" I state simply, nimbly dodging those crafty finger as they try to swipe half-heartedly at the shirt in my hands. Is it possible for a heart to break anymore than it already has? It feels like it can when I see he isn't really making an effort to stop this. I start thinking that maybe he had planned for me to overhear the exchange. Maybe this was his way of asking for a divorce and letting me know our love on his side has died.

"You heard, that did you?" Kaito whispers ashamedly looking down at the carpet, his fringe coming to fall over his eyes. It's at this moment I know he feels no remorse for what he has done. From the very beginning of our relationship, I had told him I could always see through him by his eyes. Ever since then whenever he lied or tried hide how he felt he would allow his hair to cover over his eyes. By doing this now it told me two things. One; he was lying about the shame in his voice and two; he didn't care that I knew he was lying.

"Yep" I replied blandly, carefully keeping every thought off of my face and every emotion out of my voice. I refuse to look up from my packing as I say it. I have seen enough; I don't want to look in fear of what else I may learn unintentionally as he attempts to deceive me.

Distantly I'm reminded of all the times I've wondered how long we would last. How long it would be before Kaito realised his mistake and wanted to build a family of his own. Apparently not that long if the ache in my heart was anything to go by. We have been married a year. A fucking year. Barley long enough to do anything. It's so fucking stupid. I had dreamed of forever with Kaito and instead I got a taster of what I should have been rightfully mine before being shown the door.

I suppose I should count myself lucky I found out this early on into our planned life together. At least this way there wouldn't be that many places and items tainted by his memory. I felt a spark of irritation bubble up as it came to my attention that I'd had no fucking clue this betrayal was coming. It had come out of left field, no imminent signs of it ever being in the works. I'm a fucking detective, one of the best out there and yet I never saw any of the signs leading up to this moment. I hadn't been aware of _anything_ until that blasted party, the fucking party I didn't want to be at but was to show my husband the support he needed, the support I'd thought he deserved no less. So fucking pathetic.

Quickly I pushed the irritation back down. Kaito didn't deserve any of my emotions. Anger or otherwise. It would lead to caring and I'm so desperately trying to create the image that I don't care, even though my actions contradict that wish.

"I've already contacted my lawyer. She's drawing up the divorce papers as we speak. I'm keeping the house and what I brought with me. The car and everything else is yours." I tell him neutrally as I zip the case up as quickly as I could, anxious to get out of there as fast as I can. "Don't worry about money. She kindly informed me that since we hadn't had our banks converged very long it shall be simple to unpick it all, so you're not going to be destitute." I inform him as blandly as possible.

There's a terse moment of silence as he works his jaw. I have no intention of staying around to hear anymore lies so I pick up my phone, jam it into my pocket harshly before placing the case on the floor, hand resting on its handle.

"I wish you luck" I tell him as amicably as I can, giving him a polite nod before taking large steps past him, head held high. I was doing this. I was really doing this. I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

My stride is broken as I hear Kaito laughing at me. The vice around my heart that's holding it together tightens, threatening to crush it. I swiftly turn around to see my ex-lover bent double on himself, laughing uproariously. Here I was trying to be nice and give Kaito all the information before I left, to make our split nice and clean and as pain free as possible and all he could do was laugh? Well fuck it, if that's how Kaito wanted our final words to be then so be it. I could do anger. I could so do anger.

"Fucking forget it. Just get your shit out of my house by next week otherwise you will find yourself in a holding cell" I snarl. I was going to wait until he found a flat he could afford, but if he isn't going to do the decent thing and keep up the deceit of at least feeling sorry it happened this way then I wasn't going to be as kind. He could be on the streets for all I care. Okay that's not true. I care, way more than this fucker deserves but I'm just so hurt, so angry and betrayed and so many other emotions I can't name that I can't _let _myself be walked all over and let him use me once again.

"Shi-Shinichi" Kaito choked out around a laugh as he stepped in front of me, successfully blocking my way like the asshole that he is.

And then this... this shit head goes and says something so... so fuck! I don't even have the words to describe it. "It was a joke" Kaito grinned mischievously, wiping away tears of laughter. Acting as if saying that wasn't worse than letting me believe he'd actually cheated on me.

"A joke" I parrot numbly. Too many things flying at me for me to get good grasp on them. It's like my mind and body can't decide the correct response so is trying to numb it all, just to cope. The first thing that springs to mind as I hear this is that I was right. He had intended for me to overhear. He had set up that whole skit. Why I dunno. Maybe to teach me lesson I have no recollection of needing. Or perhaps in some twisted form of showing us how import it is what we have. At this point I don't care for its reason. All I know is that it's fucked up and painful and so uncaring of Kaito. Doing everything he wants to without thinking of the consequences, always expecting me to see things his way, to come around to his side of thinking and change myself to fit it. To clean up his messes and pat him on the head even though it feels like I'm breaking.

I can't do this anymore. I can't play the role he shoved me into, that I let him shove me into. I've always loved how fun loving and reckless he could be. I appreciated the ingenuity behind his tricks and pranks. I laughed at his jokes. But this is vile and cruel. It's not funny or fun. It's painful and he just doesn't see that. Doesn't comprehend that jokes are supposed to be funny to all parties involved, not just himself. Pranks aren't supposed to hurt. They are not supposed to make you cry. If he can't see what he's done is wrong then I don't know how to overlook this, how to still love him without suppressing that part of me that hurts having to watch or experience his mean streak.

"Yeah" Kaito giggled nodding "To get you back for pretending to be pregnant" his eyes sparkled as he threw his arms out, confetti shooting out of them "April fools" he announced cheerily, waiting for my relived laughter no doubt.

I can see it on his face, in his mannerisms. He doesn't see what he has done, what he has told me by doing this. He hasn't even realised that he's pranked the wrong person. Didn't take them time to check that it was me who did that prank. He's just seen me, remembered the memory and assumed it would be me and gone about getting revenge. I don't know what to do with this. I don't know how to respond. I can feel a burning anger trying to swallow me and I have no reason to fight back, no reason not to scream and shout at the injustice. So, I let it. I stop caring. I stop trying to protect him from my hurt because that's what I've been doing. Protecting him from the backlash of his crueller jokes, not wanting to ruin his fun.

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it and now karma has come and reaped its consequence and I have no one to blame but myself for this. But I don't want to shoulder the blame. I may have small part to play in all this by not righting him when he wronged, by not letting him learn empathy or humility but he's the one who still did this. He's the one who still went out of his way to set this whole thing up to hurt me. So I let the fire consume me, knowing I will regret it all later, but I'm living for the heat of the moment. The regret is a problem for tomorrow.

"You fucking bastard" I seethe. "Aoko was the one who pulled that prank not me" I point out darkly allowing the anger to rise. I know I'd promised myself I wouldn't show emotion, but I just can't stop it. Did Kaito honestly think I would find this whole set up funny? That I would fall into his arms and demand he kiss it better? Well news flash, I'm not going to let this go.

"It was?" Kaito asked wearily as I level him with the look, usually reserved for the murderers I chase.

"Yes, it was" I snapped back angrily "How could you even think I was the one to play that prank?! I'm a guy for god's sake. And even if by some miracle I could get pregnant I wouldn't make a joke about it!" I hiss. I can't tell what hurts more, the fact he thinks of me that way. That I would intentionally hurt him by lying about that fact when I know he would be such a good dad. Or the fact that I can never tell him I'm pregnant. That I won't see the look of utter elation on his face as he realises, he's going to be a farther. Had he known I was self-conscious of that fact? That I wished with all my heart I could give him the child he so rightly deserved or was that a lucky shot? Had he manged to hit my sore sport and bring that insecurity to the surface unknowingly. I don't know which is worse, him knowing or smacking me where it hurts without knowing.

"Oh. Sorry" Kaito rubbed the back of his neck as he winced. Good I thought in satisfaction. He should feel some pain at that jab. "Can we please forget this ever happened?" he pleaded hopefully, doing his kicked puppy impression. That look won't work on me at this very point in time. I have hardened my heart against it as I was prepared. After all I know him better then I know myself- or I used to think I did I correct myself hatefully- he uses that look to manipulate people to get out of trouble. So fucking typical of him to not take responsibility for his fuck up.

"No" was my snarled response. "The fact you even thought of this idea tells me everything I need to know about how you feel about this relationship and me" I carried on, my self-loathing leaking into the grave announcement. Before any more of my emotions could leak out, I darted to the left, trying to make a break for it but the magician was faster, fucking reflexes I think distastefully. Belatedly I realise I just called Kaito the magician instead of mine, the thought gets whole new painful ball rolling.

"Wait what?!" Kaito shouted panicked, catching my arm in a vice grip, refusing to be shaken off.

"Let go" I command through gritted teeth. I'm not usually one for violence but I can feel my hand twitching with the urge to punch him in the face just to get away- and maybe as a little bit of pay back for the hurt I'm was currently being put through but that was beside the point. Or maybe that was the point and I just don't want to acknowledge it. Kaito no matter how much I wish it wasn't so, has the ability to make me change who I am, and at this moment in time, it's for the worst.

"No! You can't leave me!" Kaito begged, realising how quickly this was getting out of hand. If he didn't do something soon Shinichi really would up and leave and he couldn't let that happen.

"I can and I will. It's very obvious that you don't give a shit about me and how I'm feeling. If making your husband think that you were willing to cheat on him. That you would willingly go out and get a girl pregnant is your way of having fun. Of showing your love then I don't want any part of it!" I shouted into his face, quickly losing control of the few emotions I had managed to lock down.

"You don't get to play with people's feelings like that! You don't get to ripe my heart out. To make me question my own worth. Whether it was something I'd done wrong that had chased you away. And then claim it all to be a joke. That you didn't mean it!" I was on a roll now. Everything I had bottled up since overhearing that awful conversation was spilling out no matter how desperately I tried to stop it.

"If this is what our marriage is going to be. Me always wondering where the next attack is coming from. Not being able to trust my instinct on knowing if something is real or not, then I don't want it. I see enough of people's cruelty at work, I don't need my husband to be another example of it" My voice cracked as I yelled this. I didn't even know this was how I truly felt until the words inside my heart were pouring out in an uncontrollable spiel.

As I panted for breath, my worry over what else I might say if I stayed any longer took control. I was saying thing I had never wanted to say, insecurities nobody was supposed to hear, hateful words better left unspoken being laid out bare. I'm afraid of what more I might reveal if is stay any longer.

I felt Kaito's grip slacken in shock and I used this to my advantage, ripping my arm away before he had a chance to act.

"Shinichi" I heard him murmur brokenly. I swallowed roughly at the sound; a bucket of ice water being thrown over my rage. I didn't want this. I had never wanted this. I've got to get away! I can't hurt him anymore! Fuck how hurt I am, it had nothing on the hate I felt for myself for being the one to make him sound so despondent. But I couldn't give in, he wouldn't learn this way. I have to get away, clear my head.

At a loss of what to do I shook my head, feeling hysteria trying to grapple for control over my panic. My throat felt clogged with emotion as I will my own tears away.

"Goodbye Kai" I manged to croak out, voice strangled. And then I ran. I flew out the door and down the stairs, not allowing myself to think as I let my legs carry me to the car. I wrenched the back door open and threw my suitcase in before slamming the door closed and jumping in the driver's side. I sped out of our drive like a bat out of hell. Feeling a heaviness settle in my stomach the further I drove.

A tiny part of me hoped Kaito would chase after me. That he would prove he loved him by following me to the airport and refuse to let me board the plane. I'm still angry and hurt by all this, but I still love the man. I still wanted to be by his side, to have my doubts cast out like they'd always been. To be shown that Kaito would fight for our love and admit to his mistakes instead of trying to gloss over them or push them aside. But as I walked through the airport terminal. Sat down and waited for my flight to be called, that hope began to dwindle.

I watched the crowd in the hope of seeing his wild tuft of hair. Fiddling with my phone as I prayed, I would spot his indigo eyes searching for me also. But then the call came, and I boarded my flight. The small piece of my heart that hadn't broken, that was still going strong and hadn't cracked under pressure finally shattered. It really was over then. Kaito wasn't going to fight to have me back, wasn't going to prove all my assumptions and fears wrong. He was just going to stand back and let this happen.

As I sat there, gazing out of the planes window with unseeing eyes I finally allowed the tears to fall. If Kaito doesn't think we're worth saving, of working through our problems then neither do I. I guess this was it. My fairy tale was over, my prince turning turned out to be a frog in disguise and my love was as corrupt as the hearts of the man I'd sold it to. I guess this was my penance for loving a Joker.

**Hey guys. I just wanna tell you up until the part where Mai tells him he's the father is actually somebody else work and in no way do I claim it as my own. The writers name is E.M. Megs and the section is taken from Cheating fool. This is an Ouran High school host club story which I highly recommend reading. Their section is from the starting point up till the father announcement, from then on it is all my work. I have tweaked their bit to fit my own needs but fundamentally that bit is their work and they deserve the credit for it. The rest of the story is purely mine. Now before you say anything, I did reach out to them and asked, and they didn't get back to me. If at some point in the future they do reach out to me asking me to take this down, I will do so immediately, so please do keep that in mind. Anyway, thanks for reading, Dream out!**


End file.
